sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Will you blow on my dice?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
