im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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