At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
