I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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