i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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