i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
