If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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