Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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