He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
