About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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