watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
