I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
