So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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