I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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