It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
