So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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