Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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