My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
