even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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