I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
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