Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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