I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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