I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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