I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
