whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
