why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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