Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
