Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
