i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
