Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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