even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
