Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
