The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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