Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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