She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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