My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
