my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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