there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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