My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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