it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
