He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
