Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
