I think my vagina is haunted
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
