they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
