Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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