I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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