so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
