I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
