i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
