i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
