i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
