drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The power of my boobs compel you
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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