a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
