There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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