We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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