just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
