I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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