Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I am mentally ready for anal.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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